Miscarriage, Mass and Music

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My Voice
I claim you as My Choice
Be still, and know I am near
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine

A few years ago, I attended a Memorial Mass for my best friend’s mother, just a few days after I had lost Baby Gabriel at 19 weeks. Another friend of mine sang a special hymn ‘You are Mine’ by David Haas, accompanied by my Mom at this Memorial Mass. Tears streaming down my face, I actually hid in the public washroom after Communion until long after Mass, not ready to face any familiar faces or condolences…and not yet able to give my friend nearly enough support through the recent loss of her Mom.

That summer was the season of ‘you are mine’ at church!

Those eight weeks of Masses…were filled with the hymn ‘You Are Mine’. I hadn’t remembered hearing it before….and now all of a sudden, it was the Holy Communion hymn of choice…no matter where we attended Mass!

Tired and embarrassed about repeatedly crying at Mass at my familiar
parish, we even did a little Catholic Church hopping, visiting neighborhood
parishes of some of our favorite priests. Communion time would come and my eyes
would begin to tear up with the first 3 notes of accompaniment…even before it
registered that it was that song again!

By the end of that summer, we attended a Catholic conference…and do you know what Hymn Mark Forrest sang beautifully, EACH DAY of the conference for the Communion hymn? You guessed it….and yes, I continued to cry like a baby.

7 years later, I chase 2 more kids in my house (one who could not have been born if we hadn’t lost Gabriel). I also lost another baby in this time….for a total of 5 kids in my house and 3 babies in Heaven.

Last April, we were at Mass at our Parish and I was surprised to hear ‘You are Mine’ begin. Bill squeezed my hand with a ‘you okay?’ to which I confidently shrugged that I was fine, clearly having healed after such a long time. Maybe I was just a little smug…because I then looked across the Church to see a couple I recognized, sitting beside their First Communicant. It was then that I remembered that they had been expecting their first child when I was expecting Gabriel….and that this Sunday would very well have been Gabriel’s First Holy Communion day. OK, so maybe I just needed one more little cry to ‘You are Mine’. Pray for me, Gabriel!

I just read these comforting words in a Facebook group from Madeline to another Mom who has just suffered a miscarriage. Sometimes people don’t know what to say to another experiencing loss, but I think this wonderful lady has just the right words.

I know you had dreams of holding him close, seeing his smile, holding his little
hand as he took his first steps, sitting him on your lap and telling him all the wonderful things about God, but He had a different plan. I hope you find comfort, one day, in knowing that you have a beautiful, perfect little boy in heaven who is now taking care of your family until you are able to join him, and that God instead, has your little boy on His lap and is telling him the wonderful things about you.

3 thoughts on “Miscarriage, Mass and Music

  1. Beautiful 🙂 Thanks for sharing. We lost our Jordan Aloysious, at 10 weeks on December 8th, 2011. I've always loved that song and have gone through periods of time when it chokes me up as well. I just found your blog…. love it! God Bless

  2. Thanks for your honesty about your grief and finding hope in a song. How wonderful our Lord permits us to feel grief. A friend of mine lost his wife to cancer. A friend of his told him at the funeral service at church, "Well, you will get over it". The message: grieving is not aloud in church, good Christians don't grieve." Thank the Father that Jesus does not dismiss our grief but encourages to bring it to him in prayer. http://www.lifefromheaven.com

  3. Oh, I love this so much. I always cry at mass during the music. Well, not ALWAYS, but any time I am happy or sad or worried. So, a lot! "You Are Mine" gives me goosebumps and tears every time, even if they are happy tears. Prayers for continued healing from your losses. I have been told healing takes a long, long time. I would imagine it is complete only when we are in heaven! Blessings.

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