Prayer from the Heart

Jesus, I want to know Your Truth AND live it. Jesus, I’m so easily distracted, so easily jostled, startled, untethered. Jesus, I worry about so many things.
Jesus, I want to pray. I want my words to be deliberate and heart-felt. I want to say what my heart feels and listen  intently and hear Your Words to me in my heart, with no doubt, no second guessing. I want to be focused and consumed by You and undistracted, unswayed.
I want to know You, bathe in Your Love, directed by Your Priorities and I want to receive Your Love and Your intentions for me, correctly, fully, purely.
I want to brim over with the fire of your Love, uncontained, unfettered, unlimited, unconstrained so that I can only reflect Your Love, enthusiastically and untarnished by human limitations.
I want to see and think clearly, without muddying Your message to me, and to those around me.
I want to use the creative gifts You have given me to serve You and draw closer to You and to lead others to pursue You as You desire. I want to fulfil my vocation to the best of my abilities, recognizing but not giving in to my failings, offering up the little chores, the monotony and the little annoyances, frustrations and worries, surrendering my will and my lack of control, my pride for Your Greater Glory.
I want to pray. I want to express the yearning of my heart, to remain undistracted but focused on You. I want to connect with You, feeling Your unconditional Love, a love that is impossible for humans, only possible for God, loving me as if I was the only human, loving me incessantly despite my faults and failings, loving me without hesitation or requirements, expectations or conditions. Loving me because You have made me worthy through Your Suffering, for me, when no one except You could have even known I would exist.
Jesus, I don’t want to get distracted by the meaningless details. I don’t want to be preoccupied with menial concerns.
I want to pray, giving Glory to You, recognizing my weakness…and my only strength in You, through You, by You.
I want to cleanse the corners of my soul, I want to be open to Your Will ever trusting that You will only expect of me, ask of me, what I can truly handle. That You know what’s best for me, You only want what is best for me and for my salvation.
I want to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend. Jesus, I love You. I’m a afraid to be put to the test, because I know How weak I am. I know. I’m scared Jesus because I don’t expect that I can measure up. I know I don’t deserve Your Love. I’m as flaky as anyone. I’m selfish. I’m weak. I’m distracted and overwhelmed. I worry. I don’t trust. I need You. I need  constant reminders to pray, to focus, to offer up my will for Yours, to ask, to beg for Your pardon, Your Mercy and Your Help for every breath, every step, every worry.
Jesus, I choose to trust in You but I need constant reminders to recommit.
To trust. To serve, to surrender my pride, my attempt to control. Jesus, I love You.
Let me feel Your Love.

Because I long for a

flat on my face,

I surrender,

you are Mine,

ugly cry

come to Jesus

prayer

that heals me in an instant, evaporates my insecurity and fears, quiets the voices with way too much clout and explodes in my heart a huge amount of confidence in God’s Love for me..so much that it barely fits and changes me forever.

Noticeably.

Turns my ears inside out and pins my tongue to the roof of my gaping mouth.

Yeah, just that.

Jesus

Because it turns out that all the insecurity, second guessing, nagging, self-crushing critical voices in my head, regrets and haunting failures are just rubbish.

Unnecessary.

A crying shame gathered together and intertwined in an ugly mess.

They can be tossed off the flying deck, dead weight no longer hindering the full speed ahead to Your ferocious Embrace.

To freedom. To peace. To bold confidence in the Father’s Love.

Bridge jumping

I want a monumental focus change, away from me and high definition on You, Your Goodness, Your Majesty and Power,

Your unstoppable Sacrifice which is MY saving Grace.

I am good, because You made me that way.

I love…because You first loved me.

I can’t earn or lose Your Love no matter what I do or don’t do.

If I could just stop looking down and keep looking up; His love for me is more a reflection of His Goodness and His Perfect Love than anything I can accomplish. That doesn’t undermine my value…it underlines it.

God knows I’m weak and He’s not looking for me to confess my weakness, but rather He wants me to recognize it and unite my feeble attempts to His Sacrifice, infusing my efforts with His Saving power, realizing His Presence inside of me.

Remembering that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) For His Glory, not my pride.

Lord, speak to my heart, stop me from second guessing, help me to be confident in Your Plan, Your Provision, and first and foremost, Your Love for me. Amen.

after a run Pondering in my heart at Equipping Catholic Families

God Doesn’t Speak in Riddles

bubble

 

I don’t like riddles…maybe because I’m dismal at them. Even if I’ve actually heard the riddle before, I probably won’t be able to spout the right answer, just like that. It just doesn’t excite me that much to be that kind of clever.

That said, I’ve just kind of realized that all this time, I’ve been assuming that God likes them. That God likes to talk to us in riddles and that He chooses to reveal His Plans for us in little broken pieces and clues and He waits with trepidation to see if we can actually figure out the big puzzle before us.

I don’t think that God speaks in riddles…unless maybe you like that sort of thing.

Monica at 6I don’t think He’d do that to me, given my aversion to riddles.

I don’t think that that’s the kind of Father He is, waiting for us to prove ourselves, testing us every step of the way.

He has a plan for my life and while He may reveal it to me in small pieces, it’s probably only because the big plan would overwhelm me. He knows that too much information can crush me, paralyze me in my tracks and He knows I already worry too much about what is to come.

He isn’t trying to trick me or stump me and He doesn’t want me to get discouraged or lose hope on the way.

He’s my Loving Father who gently pushes me up the hills and picks me up when I stumble down them. (How’s that for my take on the Good Shepherd Psalm?)

He takes joy in my triumphs and His Heart breaks with mine when I fall.

He also knows me better than anyone…what grabs my attention, what ignites my passion and what paralyzes me with fear. He knows how I learn and He knows the yearning in my heart. He can stage or tailor His Message for the best results, assuming I’m open, I’m looking and I’m listening.

I think He wants to tell me something. I’m going to go and listen.

What’s He telling you?

 

first appeared over at CatholicMom

The Case for Sacred Subtitles at Mass

Sacred Subtitles for Mass

I’ve been going to Mass at least once a week for over 44 years. Even with the New Translation of 2011, the text of the Mass is pretty familiar…or is it?

old missalThe truth is, I don’t always hear the beautiful words of the Mass. It’s true I’m a little hearing impaired, but I think it’s quite possible for most of us to glaze over and not listen intently to the words of the priest. Heck, it seems like sometimes even the priest can glaze over a little bit and speed-read the prayers of the Mass, taking for granted the wisdom and the diligence of our Church to carefully choose these beautiful and meaningful words invoking the Holy Spirit, rounding up the Faithful and transubstantiating the very Body and Blood of Jesus Christ out of mere bread and wine.

When was the last time you really listened to all the words of the Eucharistic prayer? Even our responses can be kind of rote. We can rattle off the Apostles Creed…the very collection of beliefs we should be able to stake our lives on….as flippantly as we respond “fine thanks, how are you?”

I don’t want to be negative or critical or judgmental…especially knowing how deeply and how quickly I fall short of virtuous or spiritually-disciplined. But I’d feel better if I had some practical tips to put in place to help me and my family participate more deliberately and consciously in Mass.

Sacred Subtitles

These aren’t flakey suggestions. These are resolutions to delve in deeper at Mass…starting with me and my family and they’re posted all right out there in the open at Equipping Catholic Families here: 9 Resolutions.

Check it out?

Jesus

7 Things I’ve Tried to Boost Prayer

I’ve just linked to 7 Things I have tried to boost my prayer
and you can find the full post here: Equipping Catholic Families.

The 7 Things include: Prayer Stamps, Prayer Jar, Prayer Board, Prayer Bank Craft Kit, PrayerLoom or Pinterest Prayer Book,  Praying Out Loud and this Prompt Me To Pray Prayer:

Jesus, I trust in You.  You want me to draw closer to You, praying more, engaging more, asking for help instead of struggling on my own.  Please remind me to call out to You and look to Mother Mary as my model.  Please prompt me, remind me and guide me. Jesus, be my strength, I trust in You. Amen.

Here are MY 7 Things: what are yours?